I Am Not A Werewolf
Eccentric internet celebrity Xydexx Squeakypony called a press conference today to deny claims that he was a werewolf. The meeting was held outside the Knot Of Human Elbows (101 Warren Avenue, Hawthorne, NY 10532) at Noon today.
"I am not a werewolf," said Xydexx, reading from a prepared statement. "I roleplay an inflatable unicorn online, so I could not possibly be a werewolf. That would be too kinky, and I would spend all my time using myself as a rubbery chew toy."
Although some continue to speculate on whether Xydexx transforms into a squeaky inflatable werewolf during the full moon, there is little evidence to support this claim. In the meantime, Xydexx has been spending considerable amounts of time doing research for the Department of Cute and Weird by building an army of robot ponies and helping locate milestones along the Old Albany Post Road.
Mission Statement of the Damned
The Mission Statement of the Damned was developed by my former cow-orkers at Hunchbacked Billiards. It is a truly monstrous thing, and allegedly devours puppies and small children.
The burgeoning global approximations marketplace is accelerating to an emergent cusp of the inevitable tipping point, and we recognize that our existing organization is asymetrically hyper-qualified and strategically positioned to advance our industry-leading best-practice business modeling to the next challenge level and utilize 110% out-of-the-box, scalpel-in-hand synergistic thinking. Actively leveraging best-in-breed thought leadership by example with battle-hardened personnel and C-level, securely networked E-technology, we dedicate each other to promote silos of excellence through impactful force projection upon the global marketplace and actualize positive international brand recognition as the gold standard, premiere provider of world-class services that are not merely baked in, but future-forward and unsurpassed by anything except our own expectations.
It needs to say something about Lean Six Sigma ISO-9000 compliancy for our stakeholders though.
Because then it would be like:
Pages From The Directory Of Things
Someone sending artwork to the Anthrocon conbook this year sent a cover of the American Heritage Encyclopedia, June 1968, one month before I was born, as a stiffener to ensure the post office wouldn't fold their artwork. It's awesome, I saved it. I should fill it with things. I have so much information to add to it.
Although this page may or may not be under development at any time, it is worth noting that most of Xydexx's time is focused elsewhere, constructing cyborg ponies for world domination purposes. Maybe. If anyone asks what happened to Xydexx, the safe answer is "I don't know." Xydexx continues to remain the squeakiest pony in the universe.
Xydexx was inspired to build his underground research facility at Breakneck after spending time hiking there and listening to Chainsaw Kittens while driving around hunting down abandoned iron-ore mines left over from the 1800s. Wonderous places, you should go to them!
Xydexx has the weird stuff, because weird is where the fun is. Go forth and do awesome.
Here is Xydexx's Wiki. Currently exploring Major Andre's route through Westchester County, New York.
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